


Tear Me To Pieces, Skin and Bone

by postinghumorouslyposthumously



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Affection, Because It's Still Sirius and Remus, Crush, First Kiss, Fluff, Full Moon, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Pining, Touch-Starved, Werewolf Transformation, a bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 08:06:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postinghumorouslyposthumously/pseuds/postinghumorouslyposthumously
Summary: "Remus grazed his fingertips lightly back and forth across Sirius' chest. He looked up at the sky, the clouds and the brilliant blue. Sirius’ weight solid on his chest, feeling Sirius breathe underneath his palm, his hair bunched up and tangled in the fingers of his other hand.He never thought he’d get this.This peace. This togetherness. These friends around him.His heart cinched, fingers in Sirius hair tightening momentarily as flashes of the boy’s incomparable smile and bright, dancing eyes flit in his head. And that. Can't forget that."---Remus and Sirius have their first kiss after the full moon.





	Tear Me To Pieces, Skin and Bone

**Author's Note:**

> A short little unedited oneshot fic that I wrote and decided to post for the fun of it. 
> 
> Title is after lyrics from the song "lovely" by Billie Eilish.

Sirius curled into touch. 

Remus noticed, like watching a moth constantly drawn to flame, Sirius gravitated towards it. Constantly with as much of his body as possibly pressed up against James, or Peter, or Remus. Arm slung over their shoulders, playfully punching arms, headbutting them in the chest. He laid tangled up with James on the couches in the common rooms, often shared single armchairs, and it wasn’t surprising to see them carrying each other around on the other’s backs as they walked around the school until they got tired, or annoyed, or one of them wanted to start a fight by throwing the other off their balance. It was no secret to anyone at Hogwarts that Sirius Black and James Potter were  _ serious  _ fans of PDA. If it weren’t also widely known that James Potter was the  _ straightest  _ man alive, people might’ve gotten the wrong idea. 

Sirius curled into Remus’ touch a different way. 

Siting, sunbaking on the grounds, Sirius’ head wound up on Remus’ chest. Remus thread his fingers into Sirius hair without a second thought. Combing through the locks, over and over. Sirius slowly quieted. The mood of the boys turning fluidly from boisterous exuberance to subdued, peaceful contentedness. Peter trying to cram in the four chapters he still needed to read for Transfiguration, James suddenly going dreamy and distant-eyed, staring across the grounds as Lily passed with her friends. 

Remus watched as Sirius’ eyes slipped closed, as gentle as the noiseless door being shut by your parents when you were young and had fallen asleep. Sirius leaned his head back slightly, further against Remus, his hand. 

Remus trailed his eyes down from Sirius face, completely devoid of trademark smirk, furrowed lines, or arrogant, cocked eyebrow. Sirius’ chest rose and fell deeply; contracting and expanding underneath the white school shirt. Remus lifted his other hand and set his palm flat against the center of Sirius’ chest. 

Sirius’ eyelids fluttered like he might open them. Might shoot Remus a questioning look, or maybe move, or maybe a million things. But instead, he kept his eyes closed, and took one slightly deeper breath. 

Remus grazed his fingertips lightly back and forth across Sirius' chest. He looked up at the sky, the clouds and the brilliant blue. Sirius’ weight solid on his chest, feeling Sirius breathe underneath his palm, his hair bunched up and tangled in the fingers of his other hand. 

He never thought he’d get this. 

This peace. This togetherness. These friends around him. 

His heart cinched, fingers in Sirius hair tightening momentarily as flashes of the boy’s incomparable smile and bright, dancing eyes flit in his head.  _ And that. Can't forget that.  _

Remus looked down at Sirius again to find his eyes half open, looking up at him lazily. 

Sirius bit his lip, and Remus swore he died in that moment. 

“Never seen you this calm ‘fore a full,” Sirius said quietly, just loud enough for Remus to hear. Remus’ eyes immediately flit back up to the sky. 

Oh, right. 

Is it bad that he forgot? 

For just a moment...these few moments, laying out in the sun with everything he ever wanted surrounding him. Fully enveloping him.  _ Laying on top of him _ . 

Remus started raking his fingers through Sirius’ hair again. The motion was soothing for him. 

Remus finally made a humming noise in acknowledgement to Sirius’ statement. He could feel Sirius still looking at him, contemplating him maybe. 

Sirius was loose limbed. Soft butter in his hands. Relaxed in a way Remus only saw on occasion. 

This was how Sirius curled into him. 

Suddenly, Sirius turned over onto his stomach, bracing himself with his elbows on the ground, forearms pressing into Remus’ side, head still over his chest. Sirius flipped his hair over to one side, away from Remus’ face. Sirius laid his cheek down against Remus’ chest and closed his eyes, one hand resting in front of his face over Remus’ heart. 

“You make a very decent pillow, Moony,” Sirius murmured decidedly, sleepy drunk on syrupy sun. 

Remus felt a small grin tilt up the corners of his mouth. 

“Only “ _ very decent” _ ?” He asked. 

Sirius  _ mm-hmmed _ , and nuzzled further into Remus’ chest. Remus put his hand on Sirius’ back, thumb and pinky stretching across the expanse between his shoulder blades. 

Remus stared unabashedly at Sirius’ face. He felt anxiety creeping up at the prospect of the night to come. Another spent in the shack, moon fat and full up above. Remus let his head drop back to the ground, eyes closed like Sirius’. But he’d have James, and Sirius, and Peter there with him.  _ Mssrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs... _

 

“ _ Comfortable, Padfoot?”  _

Remus woke to James’ teasing voice. He opened his eyes, blearily staring into the sun. He blinked, and leaned up slightly. Sirius’ head was still pillowed on his chest, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, cheek squished. Sleeping. Adorable. 

Remus looked up to find James sitting a foot away, looking at them with a small smirk and a glint in his eyes. 

Sirius made a noise, and moved slightly. Turning his face more into Remus’ chest, then back again. His eyelids fluttered, like they were too heavy to even  _ consider  _ opening. Sirius took a deep breath, shoulders raising and deflating dramatically with it. Remus pushed Sirius’ hair back. His eyes finally opened. 

“Comfortable?” James repeated, still with the gleeful mirth that Remus was at once embarrassed and amused by. 

Remus saw what James could not, which was Sirius’ eyes widening almost comically. Face reddening, hand curling defensively. Remus smiled, and Sirius expression melted into something else. Eyes dancing again. 

Sirius then made a gratuitous humming noise, like someone waking up from a long, deep sleep. He sat up, stretching his arms high above his head. His shirt rode up, and Remus glimpsed his soft stomach before Sirius let his arms drop back down and thus his shirt as well. 

“I  _ was _ , in fact, Prongs,” Sirius responded, ever the posh, arrogant prince. “Moony’s shirts are softer than yours,” he said. 

James squaked in indignation, pressing a hand to his mock-hurt heart. 

Sirius grinned at him, then moved his head side to side, stretching his neck. 

Remus sat up, and stretched as well. He hadn’t meant to have fallen asleep. He didn’t know what time it was now. Felt disoriented. The sun was still up, but lower in the sky. Remus felt a bit of dread unfurl in the pit of his stomach at what that spelled out for him. What was looming, just on the opposite horizon. 

James turned, and hit Peter on the leg. Peter bolted up, apparently also having fallen asleep while reading his book. 

“Wha-- _ what?! _ ” Peter exclaimed wildly. 

“Nap time’s over, Pete,” James declared, and stood up, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Come on, I wanna try and sit close to Lily at dinner tonight.” 

Sirius snorted, standing up as well. 

“Keep trying and she’ll get a restraining order on you, mate,” Sirius said, smirking. 

“She couldn’t resist all this if she  _ tried _ ,” James said, gesturing to all of himself with two wide sweeping hands. 

“Oh I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have to try,” Remus interjected. 

Sirius and Peter laughed, and Remus stood up, both knees, as well as his hip popping. He winced. His limbs tended to get a lot more difficult in the hours leading up to the full. 

Sirius put his hand on his shoulder, shooting him a look of concern. Remus waved him off with a look, and a roll of his eyes. 

They walked back to the castle in good spirits, joking along the way. 

Remus just wished that nap could have last forever. 

 

At dinner, James managed to sit across from Lily by bribing a second year into moving. Sirius sat next to him and immediately went into wingman mode, which was occasionally interrupted by Sirius’ need to incessantly tease James. Peter squeezed in on the other side of James. Remus sat down next to Sirius. 

Food appeared, and Remus started to move some onto his plate monotonously. More out of routine than being hungry. Blood was rushing in his ears. Snippets of other peoples’ heartbeats in short bursts, like radio static. Remus didn’t have much of an appetite. At least not for this. 

Remus immediately dropped his hands away from the table at the thought, feeling a disgusting coating thickening his tongue. 

“You alright, Moons?” Sirius’ hand was on his arm, and Remus turned sharply towards him, jerking away from the threat. 

Sirius’ hand came up in a show of surrender--no, not  _ surrender _ . There was nothing to surrender to. He meant him no harm. 

Remus exhaled, looking back at the table. 

“Sorry,” he said. 

Sirius’ hand slowly came back down onto his shoulder. 

“It’s alright, mate. I know how you get.” 

Remus’ blood boiled.  _ I know how you get _ .  _ It’s alright. I know how you turn into an awful, bloodthirsty monster every month and tear into and destroy anything and everything around you. It’s alright.  _

“Remus?” Sirius asked, wariness seeping into his voice. Remus looked over and found concern etched onto his features. His hand was a firm grip on Remus’ shoulder. 

Sirius turned his head slightly, inclining towards James and Peter. 

“Hey, guys, I think it’s time to go…” Sirius said, trailing off, eyes never leaving Remus. 

James and Peter looked up. James did a double take, then his expression dropped, and he moved to stand up quickly. 

“Oh, shit--yeah, yeah, you’re right, Pads...Um...yup, sorry, Lils.  _ Hate  _ to break this short, but we have, uh…” 

“Divination homework!” Sirius interjected before James could stammer any further. 

Peter nodded his head vigorously. 

“Yup! Divination homework! Prof’s gonna kill us if we don’t hand it in by tomorrow!” Peter said, chuckling uneasily. 

Sirius was already standing, urging Remus up gently, putting his hands on his shoulders and ushering him forwards towards the exit, James and Peter following behind. 

 

“Guys, really, I’m fine,” Remus said as they left the castle, starting to make their way towards the Whomping Willow. 

“Right, ‘course you are, Moons,” James said chipperly. 

Remus rolled his eyes. 

“Really, we can finish dinner, it’s not a big--” 

“I can go back and get us some food,” Sirius said immediately, already turning to go back towards the castle. Leaving. Remus grabbed his arm reflexively. Sirius let out a sharp shout of surprise and, to Remus’ horror, pain. 

They all stopped. 

Peter stared at Remus. James stared at Remus. Sirius stared at Remus. 

Remus, eyes wide, lips parted, slowly let go of Sirius. He drew his arm back, and let it fall at his side. 

“I’m…” Remus started. 

Sirius moved towards him before he could apologize or spiral, “it’s alright, mate,” Sirius said, reaching out, clearly telegraphing his movements, and putting his hand on Remus’ shoulder. He squeezed gently. Sirius eyes flit past Remus to James, then back. 

Remus couldn’t stop looking at Sirius, horror stricken. 

Sirius squeezed his shoulder harder, moving further into his space. 

“Hey, Moons, don’t worry about it. You gave me a shock, is all,” Sirius said, smiling reassuringly. 

Remus kept his hands at his sides. 

 

They sat in the shack and began the routine. 

The routine was the waiting. Was Peter tapping his foot anxiously, was James flitting from space to space, chattering on about this and that, occasionally starting arguments or small wrestling matches between him, and Sirius and Peter. Distracting them all--mostly Remus--from all the fucking  _ waiting _ . 

And, also, the pain that started almost as soon as the sun dipped underneath the horizon’s belt. 

Remus doubled over with a particularly bad cramp. 

“Hey, Moony, you alright?” James asked, stepping towards him. 

“ _ Huh…”  _ Remus winced, clasping his hand over his side. He nodded. Sirius, sat next to him, started rubbing his back. Remus squeezed his eyes shut tight at the affection. 

“What time is it?” Remus asked after a moment when he had regained himself. 

“Almost nine,” Peter responded. 

Remus looked up. A visible reaction on James’ face told him that his eyes were rimmed with gold. 

Remus leaned back against the shack wall, trying to draw deep, calming breaths. He closed his eyes. 

A sharp stab of pain shot up through both his knees. It extended in both directions, bolting lightning down to his toes, and up all the way to the apex of his thighs and hips. Remus let out a distressed noise, gritting his teeth, which ached in a way that told him the other set was going to start protruding from his gums soon. 

He curled his fingers in, straining them tightly. He turned his hands inward, pressing his fingertips into his own stomach, arms so tense, he felt it like pin pricks and needles up and down them. The pressure on his stomach grew stronger as he pressed in harder. 

“Rem, come on,” Sirius’ voice said beside him, and he felt hands on his arms. Not pushing or pulling, just moving up and down them; soothing. Then, Sirius’ head was resting on his shoulder, side of his body flush against the side of Remus’. Remus let out the breath he had been holding, panting slightly, leaning back again and turning his head towards Sirius, letting his cheek rest on top of his head. He smelled the bit of sweat that stuck to Sirius’ skin. Heard his heartbeat as though it were a steady, loud drum nearby. Heard it when he swallowed, throat contracting, salvia flooding down. Sirius smelled like vanilla, and leather, and of the scent that was individually his own, as everyone had their own individual, indescribable scent--and he smelled  _ good _ . 

Remus closed his eyes, and breathed in deep, letting himself lean against Sirius, let his arms be lulled away from his stomach, enjoying the feeling of Sirius’ hands running up and down them, all the way down to his palms. 

Remus would never be able to understand this comfort Sirius had, even when Remus was maybe just minutes away from turning into a hideous beast. How he could so easily press himself into Remus’ space, carelessly, stupidly,  _ dangerously _ . How he could trust Remus  _ that  _ much. 

“I think we should change soon, Prongs.” 

Remus heard Sirius say. 

“Right,” James said back. 

Remus’ head pounded. Every beat of Sirius’ heart like a hammer to the temple, it seemed. 

“ _ Please _ ,” he muttered, voice barely decipherable. He was sweating, and out of breath, and the deep set ache that had been in his bones all day was crescendoing and  _ please _ .

James was at his other side then, not touching him, but Remus felt his presence. He felt at once comforted, and like he needed everyone to just  _ back up get away please give me space I need space don’t go I need you please don’t leave me.  _

“ _ Please…”  _ He whined again, this time with the loud crack of his spine. He doubled over forward again, grabbing his legs and squeezing hard. He choked, sobbed. His mouth felt like it was on fire. Then everything felt like it was on fire. 

He heard shifting around him. The others changing into their Animagus form; then---just...nothing. 

 

The hard floor bit into his back. 

The feeling settled deep into his body was familiar. The soreness of having been stretched, marred, then stretched impossibly again. Back into the scar-y, gangly, mess that was Remus Lupin. 

Remus cracked open his eyes with some effort. He laid on the floor in the middle of the shack. Something pressed up against him. A hazy memory of the previous day flit into his head. The peaceful nap out on the grounds, Sirius’ head lying on his chest, James and Peter nearby.

Remus looked down. Sirius was curled up next to him in Padfoot form, furry mass pressed against his hip. The dog slept soundly. 

Remus inhaled deeply, and his ribs ached. He did a mental check of his body. His side ached, but not in a way that meant his skin was flayed, or his ribs were broken. Nothing else stung particularly badly, so he must not have done any serious damage to himself.  _ How about to everything else?  _

Padfoot seemed okay. Remus looked around. James and Peter were in human form, Peter slumped in the armchair, and James sprawled across the threadbare couch, both with circles under their eyes, practically dead to the world in deep sleep. Remus wondered how far past dawn it was. How much time had passed since he and his friends were finally able to collapse. When the moon went away once more. For now. For this time. 

Remus sat up, bones popping, joints creaking. He winced. Padfoot started moving, shifting, and then lifting his head. Remus looked at him. Sirius turned back into human form, knelt on the floor. 

“G’morning, sunshine,” Sirius murmured, eyelids still dropping. He raised his fists to rub his eyes. 

Remus felt just as exhausted as Sirius looked. His tongue felt heavy. Thick, like cotton. He went to blink, but ended up closing his eyes for several long seconds. 

“Alright?” Sirius asked. 

Subduedly, Remus nodded. He forced his eyes open again, and Sirius came slowly back into focus. 

“Madam Pomfrey?” He asked. 

Remus took a breath, considering, then shook his head. 

“‘Sure?” 

“Yes, Sirius,” Remus said, voice thick and croaky. 

Sirius raised his hands in surrender, then raised one to his mouth to stifle a yawn. 

“M’ sorry,” Remus said, closing his eyes again, wanting to lie back down on the floor and go back to sleep. 

Sirius shook his head, dismissing his apology. 

“C’mon. Still early. Let’s go to bed.” 

Sirius got up, and got the other boys up. They got Remus into some clothes, and then embarked out onto the dewy, just-light morning. They meandered across the grounds. The wet earth stuck to Remus’ bare feet. They never remembered to bring shoes for him. 

Once inside the castle, James produced the Invisibility Cloak, and under it they piled, moving slowly through the halls and towards their common room. The castle was mostly stagnant in the morning. Hauntingly so. The most they passed was a tall, high floating ghost with their head on backwards. 

Remus was falling asleep against James and Sirius, the two supporting him as they walked, Peter leading them. Peter whispering the portrait password when they made it to the Gryffindor common room. 

Once in their dorm, they shrugged off the invisibility cloak. Peter immediately took the three strides to his bed, and collapsed. Snoring within seconds. James and Sirius helped Remus over to his bed, and set him down gently. 

“Thank you…” Remus trailed off, hardly able to lift his eyes to look at either of the two boys. 

“Don’t mention it, Moons. You alright?” James asked, putting a hand briefly on his shoulder. 

Remus nodded sluggishly. 

“Alright, well...see you in a couple hours.  _ So  _ glad this wasn’t a rough one,” James said, already turning to walk over to his own bed, pulling off his shirt and glasses as he went. He flopped down onto his stomach, and fell asleep, too. 

Sirius was still in front of him. Still holding on to his arm gently. 

“Sure you didn’t get scratched or something?” 

Remus didn’t know whether the proper answer to that was a  _ yes  _ or a  _ no _ . His brain couldn’t work out that sort of logic right now. Instead, he lifted his arms and showed his palms to Padfoot, as though showing him he didn’t have any scars, even though Sirius could hardly know that from just Remus’ outstretched arms. 

Without much thought going along with it, Remus reached out, and wrapped his arms around Sirius’ middle. With Sirius standing, and Remus sitting on the edge of the bed, it put him right below sternum level. He pulled Sirius closer, and leaned forward, resting his head against Sirius’ soft, soft stomach. Breathing in his scent.

“Alright, Moons…” Sirius trailed, slightly awkward, hesitant, but also fond. His fingers swept through Remus’ hair, and Remus hummed in the back of his throat. 

“Bedtime, puppy,” Sirius said, and Remus’ brow furrowed at the nickname. He pulled his head back and looked up at Sirius and found him grinning, eyes dancing, full of wonder. 

Remus stood up, watching Sirius’ eyes go slightly wider. At full height, he loomed more than a head taller than Sirius. He looked down at him, still impossibly close, arms looped loosely around his middle. 

Their eyes burnt into each others. Sirius sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, and Remus’ eyes flicked down to watch. 

Then he saw the four, angry lines peeking out from the top of Sirius’ shirt. 

Remus’ expression dropped, and he lifted his hand before Sirius could protest, pulling down the hem of Sirius’ shirt and revealing four, four-inch-or-so scratches over his collarbone. The scratches were shallow, hardly anything Remus would even acknowledge on his own body. Hardly distinguishable between all the others. But on Sirius, the scratches stood out angry and bright on his pale skin. 

Remus’ tired eyes filled with tears.

“We were just play wrestling. It was just an accident, Moony didn’t meant to,” Sirius was quick to assure Remus, hand coming up to wrap around Remus’ own, the one curled into the front of Sirius’ shirt. 

“Moony. Remus, look at me,” Sirius said, but Remus couldn’t. Couldn’t look him in the eye.

“Moony,” Sirius said again, quieter. 

Remus swallowed thickly. His chest felt tight, head spinning around the room. Wobbling. Shaking. Trembling. His breath was picking up. 

Sirius arched up onto his toes, and kissed him. 

Everything stopped. 

The kiss was soft. Not more than a press of Sirius’ lips against his. 

Remus melted. 

Sirius’ arms came up to wrap around his shoulders. Remus slipped both his arms back around Sirius’. 

After a moment, Sirius pulled back. They stared at each other. Remus’ eyes wide, Sirius’ half closed. 

“Oh,” Remus breathed softly. 

Remus felt the tension in Sirius’ middle, still straining upwards. Remus bent his knees, and Sirius settled back on flat feet. 

Sirius breathed out, a short gasp. He looked like he couldn’t believe what had just happened either. 

“Sor--” 

“Don’t apologize,” Remus interrupted before Sirius could finish. Unwilling to hear it. 

Sirius looked back up at him hopefully. 

Remus hugged him, dropping his head to bury it in the crook of Sirius’ neck. He breathed in deeply. Sirius hugged him back, head against Remus’ shoulder. 

Remus was starting to fall asleep standing up. 

“We should go to bed,” Sirius said after a few minutes, when they both were starting to sway. 

“Stay?” He asked. 

Sirius nodded. 

They crawled onto Remus’ bed, and laid down on their sides, facing each other. Sirius reached out, resting his hand on Remus’ side, against his ribcage. Remus settled his palm gently against Sirius’ cheek, fingertips brushing his neck. They were both asleep within seconds. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!


End file.
